Taken from my journal in 2007:

Yesterday morning John and I went to the publishing facility to pick up my CD’s, brand new and hot off the presses. Of course we had to celebrate at Starbucks! Over chai lattes and one shared blueberry scone, we took off the plastic wrap and opened the very first CD. Musing over the graphics, so pretty, I noticed that the songs are listed in the wrong order on the back. Ugh, a beautiful moment ruined. Well, most people won’t notice, I guess. But such a huge error!

Then it was ‘bye to sweet hubby, and off to my day job. Excited to have an album out, wishing I didn’t still have to work, and then my phone rang. It was John, and his dad had died.  Dad had been in the hospice facility, daily wasting away from the cancer, and we had been waiting for this moment. But, why on the day of the CD? So bittersweet this day was turning out.

The family gathered in dad’s room at the hospice facility. Much sadness, much laughter, as we recounted memories. Then we all went over to mom’s, who also has cancer.  She’s not doing super good, she’s sad, kinda mad, and really worried about her future. My heart went out to her. A few hours later, I left to make the hour drive home and take care of my kid. Of course, I was rear-ended by an uninsured motorist. Who was a college age girl, begging me not to tell the police, and assuring me that she would pay for the damage on the side. Right!

Why do people have to get cancer? Why do I have to get rear-ended? Why do things always seem to go wrong? I don’t have the answers to the “why’s” of life. But I do know that God loves me, and I Him. What a RELIEF!  That crazy day a couple years ago, when John’s dad died, I realized how much bigger God is than my troubles. And I was so relieved to have God in my life… always taking care of me :)

Oswald Chambers, verse for today: ”Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?  Then said I, Here am I; send me.” Isaiah 6:8

Chambers goes on to say, “God did not address the call to Isaiah, Isaiah overheard God saying, “who will go for us?” The call of God is not for the special few, it is for everyone. Whether or not I hear God’s call depends uponthe state of my ears; and what I hear depends upon my disposition.”  And he ends with, “If we let the Spirit of God bring us face to face with God, we to shall hear something akin to what Isaiah heard, the still small voice of God; and in perfect freedom will say, “here am I; send me.”

Aren’t we glad that Oswald Chambers said, “Here am I,” to God?

Taken from my journal:

ROMANS 3:20,21 (PARAPHRASED) THEREFORE BY THE DEEDS OF THE LAW NO FLESH WILL BE JUSTIFIED IN HIS SIGHT.  FOR BY THE LAW IS THE KNOWLEDGE OF SIN.  …THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD APART FROM THE LAW IS REVEALED… ON ALL WHO BELIEVE FOR THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE.  FOR ALL HAVE SINNED… BEING JUSTIFIED FREELY BY HIS GRACE THROUGH THE REDEMPTION THAT IS IN CHRIST JESUS.

There’s that word, justified.  So we’re not Justified by doing the “deeds” of the law, but by grace.  Thank you Jesus!  ”Lord, please forgive me for being lazy and slack regarding your instructions.  Just because I’m under grace doesn’t mean I have an excuse for my sin, and freedom to not make an effort.  Please help me to be strong, and to keep doing what is right.”